Relaxing at home

I am happy to report that Toni and Caitlin were both released from the hospital today with clean bills of health for the both of them. We have to go back to the hospital on Thursday for some follow up appointments and to meet with the Pediatrician but we'll at least have tomorrow to just be at home and try to catch up on a little sleep. So far Caitlin seems to be doing well at home and our dog Shiloh seems a little jealous and confused as to what's making so much noise every time Caitlin cries. I am totally in awe of everything that has happened over the last few days and I really feel very fortunate. Every time I look at Caitlin I marvel at how incredible it is that I helped create her.

I've had a couple people ask me some questions that you may all be wondering so I figure I'll post them here in case you are wondering them yourself. The #1 most asked question to me so far is, "did you make it through the delivery without passing out?" To that, I can happily report that YES, I did make it through the entire delivery without passing out! Now I really didn't pay attention to the "action" and we did request that when Caitlin came out that they not plop her on Toni's stomach but instead take her and clean her up but yes, I managed to get through it alright. Helping Toni count the contractions and even listening to my ipod in 1 ear to distract me helped as well. :)

The other question I have been asked more than once is, "how did you feel the first time you held Caitlin in your arms?" That's a hard one to answer actually. I didn't have that moment where it all hit me that I was a dad and there wasn't the flood of emotion that I was expecting. I've heard many people say they cried the first time they held their baby but I was actually just speechless. It was almost like it wasn't actually happening to me and the entire thing was a dream or something. It was an incredible experience to be sure but I think for me, I was more relieved than anything else. Which brings me my next point....

The person who said that men have it easy when it comes to childbirth must have been a bitter woman with an uncaring husband. For me, the day was the most physically and emotionally draining day of my entire life. By the time the day was over, I was seriously running on empty. Seeing Toni in pain and being unable to do anything was incredibly stressful for me. I spent the entire 20 hours as a bundle of stress and believe it or not, I would gladly have switched positions with her to spare her having to go through it. Toni was incredibly strong throughout and I admire her more than ever for her strength. It was definitely worth going through the experience to be able to hold Caitlin in my arms but it wasn't the cake walk that I've heard some women complain that their husbands experienced.

Now that she's home, I find that the thing I'm enjoying the most is just having Caitlin lay on my chest and listening to her breathe. It's incredible to look down at this beautiful little life that I helped create.